Five Self-Help Books for Personal Development

As an advocate for personal development, I thought I’d share my top five self-help books for personal development and growth. These books had a positive impact on my life. Maybe they will for you too. Since I can remember I have been into self-help books. When I was a teenager, I read my mom’s psychology books (instead of studying or reading my school text books). When I became a young adult, I read any self-help book I could get my hands on. Today, I still always have one in hand. There are a select few that played a defining role in my life. After reading these books I noticed a significant transition in my life. Each of these top five self-help books for personal development helped me. Each in their own way and at different times in my life. I often refer back to them.

Read below for my recommended top five self-help books for personal development and growth.

“7 Habits of Highly Effective People” – Stephen Covey

If I had to point a specific time when I started purposefully planning and designing my life trajectory, it was after I read “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.” This book helped me see a greater vision in my life and to plan long-term goals according to this vision. This book remains my main go-to in time-management and setting goals. If you find you are having a hard time determining your purpose, or reaching your goals and managing your time in an effective way, I highly, highly suggest reading this book.

In this book, Covey describes seven interrelated habits necessary to achieve your life’s goals. While, all the habits described in this book are essential, here are a few habits and tools that I often refer back to:

Begin with the end in mind

Covey describes the importance of creating your own personal mission and vision, and core values in life – to “begin with the end in mind.” Once you developed those, you can then identify and set goals that reflect your personal values and principles – which he defines as being principle-centered.

Four quadrant matrix

This tool is used to identify where within four different quadrants your activities lie: important, not important, urgent, and not urgent. The key is to focus on the important but less urgent activities – which is known as living in quadrant II. Here is where you are able to live and focus your activities from a principle-centered mindset.

The weekly schedule

Covey’s weekly scheduling tool incorporates identifying the different roles in your life and your goals in each of those roles. And then you schedule those goals into your planner. Doing this enables you to spend more time on your priorities rather than on things less important but still need to be done. Basically, you’re spending more time on quadrant II activities. I still use this way of planning my week on a constant basis.

Win/win or win/win or no deal

When it comes to relationships and working with others, he describes the importance of having a win/win or a win/win or no deal mindset. For the former, you want to work to come up with a mutual agreement. If you are unable to reach a mutual agreement, then both parties agree to not move forward working with each other. This is called ‘no deal’. Win/win can work in many areas of life, not just work or business. In my own experience, realizing that ‘no deal’ was an option allowed me more freedom to say ‘no’ to things right away, rather than agreeing to things that did not seem like the right decision.

I cannot recommend this book enough because it provides a multi-dimensional approach to living, working, and being your best self.

“The Alchemist” – Paulo Coelho

This book of fiction is one of the most powerful guides on coming to know oneself. I read this book the first time as required reading in a health psychology class I took at a local community college years ago.

The book is about a shepherd boy in Spain named Santiago who desires to travel the world. There were several clues that told him there was a treasure waiting for him at the Pyramids in Egypt. Santiago decides to sell his sheep and venture off to the Pyramids in search of his treasure and destiny. Everything he encounters along the way brings him guidance, knowledge, moments where he must step up with courage, and obstacles that he must go through. Santiago eventually comes across the Alchemist at an oasis in the desert. The Alchemist helps guide Santiago toward realizing his destiny.

When I first read The Alchemist, it struck a chord with me immediately. At that time, I was at a key transitory time where my journey towards my destiny began. That was one of the most significant points in time that I remember, where I began to purposefully take control of every action I took.

Some themes and quotes from the book which are relevant to realizing your dreams are:

To have patience

Throughout one’s journey, it will always take longer to achieve your destiny.

To follow your heart

Santiago was told that “wherever your heart is, that is where you’ll find your treasure.” To not ignore your inner yearning – your heart – is one step (a major step) in helping yourself fulfill your destiny and dreams, whatever they may be. And doing so, actually, will help others as well.

To make the decision

A desert guide in the book said, “Once you enter the desert, there is no turning back. One must only figure out the best way of moving forward.” Once you  actually make and enter your decision to pursue something, there’s only going forward.

To never give up

The story gives one a good reminder to maintain focus on their dreams and to get right back on course when taken off track.

To (still) follow your heart

Back when I was in that psychology class, I wrote that in my life, I wanted to focus on work that I was attuned to, and that was creative, and that by doing so – I would be able to help others. That was my greatest vision and it remains my greatest vision now. Since that time, I had followed my heart in everything I did. Yes, there were setbacks and things take longer than expected. But, by continuing to follow my heart, I am closer to my destiny.

“There was a place in this world that I needed to strive for – a place not made of ego, money, fame or acceptance – but an inner place of the heart that carried a silent importance to the world.”

“The Alchemist”, by Paulo Coehlo

To have courage

Do what you know you need to do, even when you are fearful, even if you don’t know what to expect or if you will succeed. By doing so, you will develop strength – an inner strength – which will enhance your life and the lives of those around you.

“People need not fear the unknown if they are capable of achieving what they need and want.”

“The Alchemist”, by Paulo Coehlo

To be in the present

Focus on what you can do right now. By focusing on the things you can control and taking steps no matter how small, you will appreciate things now and be happier in the present, while getting closer to your goals and dreams in the future. After all, it really is all we have.

“Flow” – Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi

When I discovered “Flow” I was experiencing a time of immense lack of focus. In school, I got bored easily and when studying, I often drifted off into daydream world. As an adult I struggled with maintaining mental focus at work and personally. My mind was always all over the place. I often felt overwhelmed because I lacked the skills to be able to maintain focus.

Then came “Flow,” by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi.  In “Flow,” Csikszentmihalyi digs deep in describing the psychological, social, physiological, and other influences to being able to gain “optimal experience.” Optimal experience is a term he describes as “experiencing times of high concentration and focus.” Thus, enhancing ones quality of life.

“Energy flows where attention goes”

There was a time where I experienced procrastination, lack of focus and an uncontrolled inner life. This book helped me to make significant mental shifts to control my inner experiences. You know the term, “energy flows where attention goes?” Well, the principles described in this book enabled me to learn to start controlling where I placed my attention.

“The mark of a person who is in control of consciousness is the ability to focus attention at will, to be oblivious to distractions, to concentrate for as long as it takes to achieve a goal, and not longer. And the person who can do this usually enjoys the normal course of everyday life”

“Flow” by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi

Looking back now, after I read this book, I began to rethink how I was living my life, especially my inner life. I became less reactive to what was going on around me and by other people’s influences. I started prioritizing my own goals and personal direction, internally, and regardless of what was going on outside of me. 

“Big Magic” by Elizabeth Gilbert

Big Magic is a book I read within the past couple of years. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to pick it up. But there were a lot of good reviews, so I thought I’d give it a try. Turns out, I really got something out of it and enjoyed it. It focused a lot on strategies surrounding the creativity and hardships of being a writer (or any artist). It gave me many reminders that I had forgotten and needed a brushing up on. This book is a spark of inspiration, while down to earth, and mixed in with a bit of mystical. Which I love. If this is what you are looking for, I suggest picking it up.

Below describes some of my interpretations of some of the main themes. Perhaps it will spark you to get something out of it too.

Magic and enchantment

Key takeaway: your idea appeared in your brain for a reason, you must embrace it and get it out there. Gilbert explains the concept of how ideas will flow to the person who will take action and do something with it. That was a key trigger for me, and the moment I began to approach my creative projects with a sense of urgency.

“Ideas are alive, ideas do seek the most available human collaborator, ideas do have a conscious will, ideas do move from soul to soul, ideas will always try to seek the swiftest and most efficient conduit to the earth.”

“Big Magic”, by Elizabeth Gilbert

Give yourself permission

Not giving yourself permission could be one of the biggest barriers in one’s creative work. I have always struggled with giving myself permission to just be my creative self and to work on my projects. For some reason, I always waited for others. For what? I don’t know exactly. Yet I still waited for somebody to give me permission to do my own thing. But you know what? Nobody did. So, the reminder that I could (and should) give myself permission, gave me a push that I needed to move forward with my creative goals.

Have persistence

By placing your attention, discipline, and persistence on the thing that drives you, that you think about constantly, that has been nagging for your attention for years, and by doing it full heartedly – you will get to the place you want to go. Your quality of life and experience will increase. Your confidence will increase. But work at it. If you really want it. Work at it. Constantly.

Have trust

Gilbert advises to “Choose what to trust”. To trust love, your work, your creativity and art. To me, it served as a reminder to trust in my ideas and my process even if it does not seem to keep up with anybody else.

“Just put it out there, whatever ‘it’ is”  Whatever you made – that’s what you are bringing to the party. It is your best. It is your all. It is you.  Trust in yourself. Trust in your ‘costume’ your ‘creation’, trust in your circumstances.”

“Big Magic”, by Elizabeth Gilbert

“Quiet” by Susan Cain

This book is must for introverts. “Quiet” has a lot of insights that goes deeper into understanding being introverted in an extroverted world. Part one, consists of various psychological and scientific studies around behaviors and personalities to understand the biochemistries and psychology of characteristics related to introversion and extroversion. There are also case studies from business people and students on how they have dealt with introversion in their life. Later in the book, Cain gives advice on how to employ being an introvert in everyday life, how to align your introverted nature with your goals and the careers you choose, and how to manage in social situations and relationships. Some elements of the book that resonated with me, a true introvert, were:

To have a “restorable niche“

An introverted professor that Cain highlights, spent a lot of time in activities that used up his energy. He would seek out places throughout the day where he can be by himself and restore. He called these restorable niches. Restorable niches are useful to have in settings where you are around a lot of people or forced to be more social or extroverted. They can be physical or mental spaces that you go to restore and return to your true self.

To have core personal projects

Having core personal projects that are pleasurable and meaningful in our life are key to being able to step out of character (doing what it takes to be a bit more extroverted), when needed. The Free Trait Theory (that Cain discusses in the book) describes this as being “born and culturally endowed with certain personality traits – introversion, for example – but we can and do act out of character in the service of ‘core personal projects.”

To choose a career that is in alignment with who you are and your nature

There didn’t seem to be enough studies in the past to help parents and adults to guide the introverted child. It is also still an extroverted world. So, a kid who adopts extroverted behaviors in school and life because they felt more socially accepted that way, would also more commonly go out and seek ‘extroverted’ jobs or careers. They would then eventually wonder why they feel tired and burnt out all the time.

To ensure you self-monitor and not self-negate

Sometimes, especially when pursuing our ‘core personal projects’ we need to step outside of those introverted boundaries – our comfort zones. However, we need to consistently ensure we are remaining true to ourselves. This includes aligning careers and projects according to our nature and making sure we are getting our restorative spaces.

So, there is the list of my top five self-help books for personal development and growth. These books are a wealth of information toward helping to take control of your goals and dreams. Read one or all of them. Or whichever one resonates with you currently.

Let me know what you think!

Sage

Also, if you want to delve deeper into your own self-reflection practice, start here: Self-Reflection Series