How To Change Your Mindset
Part Two of the Self Awareness through Self Reflection Series
This post describes a process that will help you change your mindset from negative thoughts into positive ones that will help you achieve new results.
Recently, I was experiencing a mix of negative thoughts and feelings that kept me in a place of feeling stuck and loss of control in my life. I wanted to feel something different, so I started taking myself through a self-reflection process that helped me change my mindset so that I could define and focus on positive actions to regain control.
Below describes my emotional regulation story and an exercise that I use to change my negative thoughts and feelings into positive ones. Download the FREE Self Reflection Workbook and go to the “Change Your Mindset Worksheet” to follow along step-by-step.
“Mindset flipping is taking a negative thought or feeling and doing the opposite.”
-Bloom Brilliance
MY EMOTIONAL REGULATION STORY
Awhile back, I took a class during a period when I was seeking therapy. At the time, I was experiencing emotional ups and downs that controlled my mindscape. I found myself thinking the same negative thoughts and feelings over and over constantly (a term called rumination). My therapist recommended that I take a 6-week course on emotional regulation. A key technique I learned through the course was how to identify when I was ruminating on a feeling or thought pattern and change course. This course also had an accompanying book called “Mind and Emotions, A universal treatment for emotional disorders” by Matthew McKay, Phd, Patrick Fanning, Patricia Zurita Ona, PsyD.
One of the main takeaways I took from this class was learning to do the opposite to help break me from ruminating over negative thought patterns – a tool that is known as deviation. I notice now, a few years later that I am applying this tool in my day-to-day life without even realizing it. I am actually more acutely aware of when I start to ruminate and am able to identify and change my negative thoughts quicker than I would have been able to in the past.
With this habit I have more control over my emotions to change my mindset and take positive actions toward my goals quicker. That is why I want to share the mindset flipping process I recently did that helped me.
“Doing the opposite encourages you to act in new ways in the face of difficult emotions, rather than continuing to rely on the same old habitual responses.”
-McKay, Fanning, Zurita Ona, “Mind and Emotions”
THE PROCESS – HOW TO MINDSET FLIP
Step 1: Identify the feeling
You will want to make that feeling tangible by placing a label on it.
I was so wrapped up in my negative thoughts that it was cluttering my mind and I couldn’t think straight. Once I recognized I was ruminating and feeling miserable by it, I stopped myself and asked, “what word can I use to describe exactly how I am feeling right now?” I labeled and listed five ‘negative’ feelings I was experiencing. The first feeling I named was: mentally exhausted. By placing a word to it, I was enabled to start exploring the reasons why I felt that way. For the purpose of this article, I am going to focus on the feeling of being mentally exhausted.
Step 2: Reflect on the why.
Ask yourself “why am I feeling this way”
Next, I had to reflect on the why, and I did this through free writing in my journal. I expanded on several sensations I was feeling (such as bodily tensions, knots in my stomach, bouts of anger, and feelings of overwhelm) and possible causes why this was happening (such as I was worrying over things I could not control, and experiencing constant external and internal demands.) Additionally, I felt stifled and weighed down by the energy and expectations of others and it was depleting my own energy to the point of exhaustion. Finally, I came to the conclusion that I had been operating on chronic stress for a long time and that it could eventually lead to burnout if I didn’t do something about it.
Step 3: Figure out what you need
Brainstorm on the things you know you need or want in your life right now
After I identified the reasons why I was experiencing mentally exhaustion I was able to ask myself “What is it that I actually need (or want) in my life right now that I am not currently getting?” After some brainstorming on this question, I determined the top criteria that I knew I needed to restore balance in my life and that would help alleviate the negative feeling. Some of those criteria were:
- The need for rest to get rid of the chronic stress.
- I wanted to take a siesta to take a break and replenish.
- More mental energy to be able to devote time to things that truly resonate with me.
- I also wanted to increase my physical energy.
Step 4: Identify what is missing
Figure out what is missing from your life by brainstorming on why you are not getting the things you need and want
At this point, I did another brainstorm to find out reasons why I was not getting those things I needed. I concluded that one reason was that I did not have enough time. I felt a lack of time
because a) I felt my day job dominated my mental energy, leaving me exhausted at the end of the day, and b) when I wasn’t working, my energy and attention went toward spending time with my partner, meals, personal and household chores, and sleep. I felt time poor to do the things I actually wanted and needed in my life. Even the best time-management strategies I tried weren’t being effective in helping me create more space and time for myself and the things I needed.
Step 5: Be true to yourself
Ask yourself “is this allowing me to be who I truly am?”
I read back at what I wrote in steps 1 through 4: I was experiencing mental exhaustion, lethargy, chronic stress, I felt time poor, and I wasn’t getting enough alone time or the space I needed to refuel. I had to ask myself this question to really get to the root of it all: “am I being who I know myself to be?” The answer was no. I have always been a true believer in life balance and zero ‘bad’ stress. The chronic stress and pressure that piled up on me to the point of constant exhaustion was something that I could no longer ignore. I realized it was time to give myself the things I need and let go of the things that do not have a place in my life.
“Give yourself the things you know you need…and let go of those things that do not have a place in your life”
-Bloom Brilliance
But, what was I supposed to do with this discovery? I knew it was not a quick fix. I still had a demanding job, responsibilities, rent and bills to pay, and other life circumstances. Plus, there were other emotions involved, because this was just one of six negative feelings I had identified altogether.
Step 6: Flip it
Write down the opposite word for each negative ‘label’ you identified. Next, name some times where you have experienced this opposite, more positive feeling.
I knew that if I continued to ruminate without changing things, my chronic stress would continue to get worse until I experienced burnout or became sick. By catching it now, I could make changes to feel better. I went back to the initial feeling I labeled: mental exhaustion, and I decided to flip it. I wrote down the opposite word for each negative feeling I identified. It looked like this:
Negative feeling: Exhausted > Positive feeling (antonym) = Refreshed; Energized.
New Feeling: mentally refreshed and energized.
By doing that one simple flip, I already felt a change in my mindset.
To take it a step further, I identified some moments where I currently do feel mentally refreshed and energized. Those were the times after I had a solid 8 hours or sleep, after I did some sort of exercise, when I got ample alone time, or when I traveled and explored new places.
At that point, I wanted to experience the moments where I felt mentally refreshed and energized more often and lessen the moments when I feel exhaustion and overwhelm.
But, how do I do this when I still had demands and was feeling very time poor? I needed to take actions immediately to help bring me back into balance and reverse the effects of chronic stress.
Step 7: List action steps
Write down 5-10 action steps you can take immediately to feel the flip side more often
I wrote down several simple action steps that I could take action on immediately to help me feel better, those were:
- Set aside personal time every in the morning
- Go for a walk at least once a day in the afternoon (when my energy was at its lowest) to replenish my energy
- Take breaks from my desk every hour
- Incorporate yoga into my routine 1-2 times a week
- Start planning a 4-day personal retreat
- Try to start taking power naps in the afternoon (again when my energy was at its lowest)
- Follow the pomodoro method with work and personal related tasks to lessen feelings of overwhelm
Step 8: Repeat
Do steps 2-7 for every negative feeling identified and labeled
Step 9: Look for common themes and compile
Read back through everything to find common themes, then compile them for easy reference
When I read back through everything, I found common themes throughout, so I wrote those down. Some of my common themes were energy, time, self-care, stress, personal projects.
From there, I compiled all the action steps from step seven for each identified feeling and then merged all the similar action steps together.
I organized each action step within each theme, and I wrote the related negative and flipped positive feelings next to it. Take note that some action steps had more than one theme and feeling related to it. Doing this, I could see how all my feelings were interrelated.
Here’s a snippet of what this looks like:
| Theme’s | Action steps | Feelings/emotions affected when not doing this: | Flip feelings/emotions. How I feel if I do these things: |
| Energy | To recharge, designate 2 nights a week to alone time; Sleep 8 hours every night | Mentally exhausted; lethargic; resentment | Mentally refreshed and energized; grateful; fulfilled |
Step 10: Your one-page reference sheet
Create an easy reference sheet that you can print out and post
The last thing I did was create a one-page easy reference sheet to print out and put on my wall. This listed my new positive thoughts and feelings; a reminder of the things I know that I need; and a list of my action steps that showed specifically how I would ensure I got those things.
FORMING HABITS
The goal is to develop the habit of identifying negative thoughts and feelings quickly so you can bring yourself into a better more positive mind frame. From there, you can take specific positive actions toward your goals and wellbeing.
DOWNLOAD THE FREE WORKBOOK!
The process I describe above is laid out for you step-by-step in the “Changing Your Mindset Worksheet” which is part of the three worksheets in the FREE Self-Reflection Workbook!
The “Changing Your Mindset Worksheet” provides an easy and accessible way for you to practice changing your negative mindsets. By working through the worksheet, you will be able to:
*Identify and name negative thoughts and feelings
*describe why you are feeling this way
*Identify what is missing from your life and what you need/want right now
*Flip the negative feeling into its opposite positive one.
*Identify areas in your life where you feel this positive feeling
*Find ways to get more of how you actually want to feel and have the things you need in your life.
Download the FREE Self-Reflection Workbook NOW and try these steps next time you are ruminating on a negative thought or feeling and use it to take POSITIVE actions in your life. Along with the “Changing Your Mindset Worksheet” you will also receive two other worksheets that are in the workbook to help you along your personal growth journey.
If you want to dig deeper, read: “Mind and Emotions, A universal treatment for emotional disorders” by Matthew McKay, Phd, Patrick Fanning, Patricia Zurita Ona, PsyD.
“How to change your mindset” is part of Bloom Brilliance’s Reflect series. Consistent self-reflection activities will help you develop the mental skills necessary to give you confidence to grow into your brilliant self!
Enjoy,
Sage